Still married in my mind

You always hear about how the guy move on from a marriage fast. They are posting on social from the bar. They hit on every woman that looks at them. Just the typical man moving on. However, no one talks about the men that wanted to stay married forever. The men who would do anything for their spouse. The ones who would do anything to maintain their marriage through any problem. They would even fix a crack in the Hoover Dam without a rope. If it meant saving his marriage and staying married until his last breath.

The sad truth in society is this type of man is often seen as weak. However, that is far from the truth.

Many men, including me, were just trying to find someone they believed will be there through it all. This includes the pain, the sorrow, the laughs, and happiness that marriage brings with it. We have a drive to be our best for our families and because the other person deserves it.

But who talks about when the man isn’t the one questioning if this marriage is the best they can do? What if it’s the wife that believes better is out there? How does that man feel when his life is turned upside down? Our society expects us to move on as if our marriages are over. If she doesn’t want to stay with you, there are 3.8 billion other women that can replace her. The years of growing as one be dammed.

Society doesn’t see the empty side of a bed. It doesn’t notice the quietness of a house that was once filled with laughs and cries. Society wants you to overlook the memories that make you stop and catch a breath. You do this to avoid having an emotional breakdown in the front yard while you are cutting the grass. This way, the neighbors don’t see you and think he has lost his mind.

I have recently felt this side of that man’s pain and still am. This causes you to not believe in yourself as much. You second guess everything up to that point in your life. You wonder if the pain will stop. You hope for just a few hours of sleep in a half empty bed, on a pillow that has dried tears on it. You catch yourself in a circle of wanting a last chance, and not knowing if she has found new happiness.

They don’t tell you how 24 hours turns into days. Days turn into a week. A week turns into weeks, and weeks into months. Every day, you hope she walks through the door. You want her to say she is willing to rebuild a new marriage from the ground up. Some men get this chance others never do, and I’m envious of those that get that chance.

They say time apart makes the heart grow fond, but what about the pain the time brings with it? I have to believe there is a purpose in all of this. Until I see that plan, stay blessed on your journey.