Still married in my mind

Everyone says it takes work, hard work to make a marriage work. You have to be willing to fix problems. You must love each other. Be prepared to see the bad side in someone. Also, be willing to calm that storm in them. Love them even when you want to throw in the towel.

Over the last 1.5 years I believed I was doing the right thing in a marriage. I was paying the bills. I continued to grow as a nurse. I even started a Nurse Practitioner program where I got my BSN from. I thought this was what a man should do for his wife. However, during this time, I neglected the most important thing in my life. HER. I was so worried about the future, I stopped living in the present. Looking back I wish I could slap the hell out of me for this.

She was the reason I wanted to be a better man. I lost sight of how she made me feel when life was calmer and simple. I would give it all away to return to the day I met her, at that Mexican restaurant in Dover. I wish to relive that moment just one more time.

We had another fight around June of this year. I recently discovered that she asked a friend what she should do. They advised her to start counseling with me. If she had just told me directly, “I want to start counseling Jeremy, and fix us.” I would have done it for her and been all in. I would do anything to save our marriage and honestly I still would to this day.

A few months passed and on September 23, 2025, I came home to a letter on our stove. It stated that my best friend and my wife would not be returning home. She was my missing piece in this world. I found her, but she would not come back home after finishing her work that day. She packed clothes while I was working and would be staying at a cousin’s home for some time. I was shocked and upset, but reading the letter I understood her side of this. I understood her reasons. I understood what drove her away. I believed with time and effort she would come home. We could rebuild this like we did every other rough time in our life.

Over the course of this past month, a lot in my life has changed. I have experienced holding a new nephew for the first time. I have given up hate for peace. I watch the sun rise and pray more these days. I have started to live in the present and not take these moments for granted. I love with my whole heart and not with conditions. I try to see the light in the darkness.

I still miss my wife every day. I will always cherish the sight of her when I would get home from a long night. I would stand in the doorway and watch her sleep. The mornings where she would give me a hug as I made breakfast. All the memories we made in this home as a young couple trying to figure it out. Are just some of the memories I will carry with me throughout my life. This last month has been hard on me with this new path I have been led me down. I understand she is happy where she is in life. I still pray she continues to have this happiness wherever that takes her in this life.

I will always be thankful for the way she helped shape my life. I am thankful for the memories we made together. I will continue to pray for God to show me his plan for me. However, if our path must end and we must separate, I want you to know something important. If your path ever has rain, I will always have an umbrella to keep you dry.